I've always had a bit of a strange relationship with money, compared to normal people. It seems to be the only thing you can't ask other people for, out of pride. I'm asking for people to pay to give me a chance to build my future. I'm in a really happy place right now. I'm living somewhere I love, I'm finding a lot out about myself, I just need to make this last as long as I possibly can so that I can maintain my happiness.
Imagine this. There are two billionaires walking through the desert. One of the billionaires has a load of water, more than he needs, he'll complete the journey without any problem and has enough water for the both of them. However the other billionaire hasn't got any water. They've got a long way to go, say about three weeks. The billionaire without any water asks his friend if he can have some of his water. Obviously offering him money is a useless task, they're both billionaires but he does say to him "Look, there is nothing I can offer you that you can't get yourself, all I'm asking for is this chance to survive. If you give me this and we make it out of the desert safely then if whenever you need anything just ask me and if I can help I will".
Would you not ask for water if you needed it, out of pride? Okay, so I should have planed this a little better maybe. Ever since I got the travel bug all I've done is plan trips and see how much it costs to do them, I plan and plan and plan without ever doing anything. I had to just remove the plaster from the wound that was my life and do it.
I guess what I'm saying is that money does not define us, the amount of money we have in our bank does not define us. Possessions do not define us. What does define us is spirit, character and personality. There used to be a time when that was all you needed to get on in life, now you need a university degree just to get a £20,000 a year job in central London.
I'm not in that bad a position. As I write this one of the many jobs I've applied for could be emailing me to offer me something, then it's done, it's that simple. One job market opens up in September, Irish bars. That was previously closed to me but now I have a chance of getting a job in one of those. I know of one bar where there are two people leaving in a week or two and in other I get one rather well with the owner. Do I not stay here because one of them may not come off?
I've played it safe for 33 years, where exactly has that got me? It's not even as if I'm not safe, I'm in Barcelona, not Beirut! I'm first running out of places beginning with B that are slightly on edge and dangerous to live in with no money that I can compare with Barcelona.
It may surprise some of you but I have, on occasion, made my own decisions in life. No, really, honestly, it's true. I evaluate the risk and I'll weigh up the options and see how badly things will effect me depending on what I choose to do. It hasn't done me too badly so while I do appreciate the love and advice if I say okay, no problem, thanks for telling me what you think but I'm still going to go through with this then please don't accuse me of acting like a child just because I had the gall to ignore your marvellous, genius, must always be listened to advice, I am a man of almost 33 years of age. I'm also a bright, intelligent, clever, creative individual who has his own mind, will and determination to achieve his dreams and not just play things safely because that's what society tells him he has to do.
This is happening and just because I don't listen to what you tell me to do doesn't mean that I don't appreciate it, if you want to help find other ways, shouting your opinion at me on repeat clearly doesn't have an effect. Neither does sharing my blog with others and using it to take the piss, although I appreciate it being shared.
We're reminded on a daily basis how immigrants have travelled thousands of miles across over land and sea in foreign lands where they can't speak the language and have no money and you think I'll have trouble living slightly outside of my comfort zone? How patronising....
I read one PoV the other day that said I was in the deep pits of depression. For anyone that doesn't know I spent half of last year off sick from work for stress and depression. My work sorted out some counselling for me an this commenced in March and ended in May. My counsellor and me obviously spoke at great length about my mental state but the conclusion was that the reason for my depression was that I had things that I wanted to do and because I wasn't doing them this lead to my depression.
The reason I don't do stuff is because I'm always told to play it safe, don't leave your comfort zone, save up and then do it, you can't do that, it's not safe. No ta, I'd rather just go off and do it thanks.
You have all done me a favour though, helping me realise this. I'm going to be doing this more, get used to it.
I was still awake at 3:30 this morning. Sorry if this doesn't fit in with you feel I should or shouldn't be doing. Suddenly the power went out in the flat. You don't know darkness until you see darkness like that, I had no light coming from anywhere. I got a few things together and decided to go for a walk, yes at 3:30am.
I decided to make my way half way up Mount Tibidabo where I sat and watched the sun rise, it was beautiful. At 7:00am I got up and went home.
Nothing too dangerous, a little bit spontaneous, a little bit weird and out there but those were all things that made me want to do it more.
No comments:
Post a Comment